It’s that time of year when the lazy or indulgent parts of us that have run the show during the holiday season get kicked out and we vow to change some behaviour for the better — in other words, make New Year's resolutions.
Sometimes sticking with resolutions is just a matter of willpower. Sometimes the parts of us that aren’t so happy about the new life decision get so grumpy about it, and so resistant, it’s like we’re constantly having to fight against a stream of water rushing in the opposite direction with a lot of angst, annoyance and swearing mixed into the soundtrack of that rushing stream. That stream may show up in the form of a moaning ‘I don’t wwwaaannnaaa’ childish voice within or, even worse, what seems like a giant monster luring us to drop all our great intentions and hide in the closet with that box of chocolates scrolling social media for an hour instead of exercising, or meditating, studying or whatever our chosen commitment is.
It can be downright exhausting to have to regularly fight with these parts of ourselves that seemingly have so much energy in our system. Energy we need to stay motivated and follow through with our resolution. Thankfully, there are ways of working with these elements of ourselves, and getting them on your side, instead of constantly having to fight against the current, trying to overpower them with willpower and logical reasoning. (Has the chocolate monster ever cared about our logical arguments? That part of its brain has been lobotomized.)
With awareness comes understanding and compassion. What is driving that part of us is far deeper than simply a craving or desire.
Why might the chocolate monster care so much? Why might it resist your good intentions and try to lure you into its familiar temptations? What does it get from that moment of delicious sabotage?
To the chocolate monster part within, hiding away with chocolate might be the only way it knows how to find temporary relief from the pressures and stress of life it senses is near. What if it’s just a part of you trying to protect you from feelings, that were once too big to deal with, the only way it has known how up to this point? In other words, with chocolate, staying in bed, numbing out with TV or social media, socializing — whatever it is for you?
No wonder it can be so strong and convincing, and it’s not only a matter of conscious willpower alone. You’re dealing with a herd of primal parts of yourself resistant to change in fear of what it may mean.
First of all, don’t get down on yourself. Better to get curious than attack ourselves.
When you are dealing with a craving or resistance to following through with a resolution, ask yourself —
What’s the pull to do this temptation?
What would it give you?
How would you momentarily feel while you do it?
What are you not feeling while you do it?
How do you feel afterwards?
We’re using chocolate monster as an example, but it’s up to you to name the part that arises in resistance to your clearly holistically beneficial intention.
With the chocolate monster what that part may really want, beneath the craving, is just peace of mind; and it’s using hiding with chocolate as a momentary reprieve because that’s the route it knows. And because chocolate does have properties that create an uplifting experience in the neurochemical cauldron of your body-mind. It’s natural to want peace of mind. Nothing wrong with that. That’s a big deal with our intention at PURICA too. But now, once understanding and compassion has entered the scene, the job is to help it recognize there are better and more lasting ways to achieve what it’s looking for; and then support these new ways so it knows all will be well.
Once you’ve done your own inquiry, and recognized what a part of you is trying to achieve through the temptation, craving or resistance you encounter within, you can work with it more softly and compassionately. Find ways of offering it what it is truly looking for, beneath the craving, in a new and better form, that actually supports the whole of you, your resolution and your growth.
Try talking to that part of you or writing a letter to it. Have a little conversation with yourself.
Thank it for trying to help or protect you, and then show it there’s another and much better way. Help it understand you are capable and have new methods to find the peace or vibrancy or whatever that part of you wants that don’t hurt you at the same time. Invite it to get on board with this plan and show it how much support it has, inside, and out. Name all the support you have: The friends and family that love you; the online courses; the books; the skills you’ve acquired, even us, our products and whatever we offer that may help the situation. Name whatever support you know there is now which didn’t exist when this part first learned its coping strategies. And watch for what has a psychosomatic response as you name the help. What actually creates a sense of release or relief in the system. No matter how small.
Of course, naming it isn’t enough. We need to follow through with help.
Actually call in the support from trustworthy friends when you need it. Be lovingly accountable without judgement.
If it is a matter of stress as an example — Regularly engage in meditation, or go for walks or whatever it is that helps you feel that relaxation. Take that part along, no matter how grumpy and b*#@hy it gets about it. Incorporate supplements to help. If it’s a part deep down wanting rest, or unable to digest the experiences of life, then our rest, and digest combo may help on a level beyond the cognitive mind alone. Or Red Reishi and Lion’s Mane medicinal mushrooms like to relax and re-pattern the neural pathways associated with this ancient mode of behaviour.
Sit down with that part of you over a warm cup of Zensations Universal Harmony and focus on how good it feels to follow through with the resolution, how relaxed and vibrant you are afterwards, and how much, deep down, every part of you wishes for a system in harmony, balance and ease.
It may sound strange to treat an inner drive or resistance as a part of yourself, like you’re finally admitting to having multiple personality disorder or something. But keep in mind how we often have one intention or plan, one idea or belief, and then seconds later something else in us pipes up and says otherwise. Like a completely different persona steps in and says, ya we could wake up early and get to the gym, or we could sleep in and watch cartoons…
Working this way, acknowledging the landscape, and bringing all the parts of us on board, can help us become more integrated.
With good old fashioned willpower, and finding healthy ways that give those parts of us what they’re truly looking for, you may taste a new sense of Universal Harmony within as all the parts jump on board and ride the stream in one focused direction. That’s where real effortless power is found. That’s where the system can truly rest and digest, and be fully on when needed. That’s where the struggle stops and our energy flows.
Seems a lot more fun, easeful and efficient, doesn’t it?
