Ah, our dear autocorrect at work— the perpetrator of so many awkward moments of misunderstanding these days.
The opportunities in life for misunderstanding are as innumerable as ‘sands in the ocean’ as they say. And wow they can cause a lot of mess in our lives can’t they?! What a source of confusion, tension, conflict, embarrassment, awkwardness (and sometimes, yes, hilarity too).
But far from being an unfortunate happenstance in our lives, a source of painful disconnection, or a baffling phenomena we just have to live with and grit our teeth through like taxes and bad toupées, misunderstandings can be an amazing opportunity to learn about ourselves, each other, and the human condition. Welcome to our (hopefully) typo and nudity free exploration of the phenomena of misunderstandings.
Different Worlds
- If we don’t know the meaning of a word — that can easily turn into misunderstanding.
- A glance — that can be misconstrued too.
- Body language — yup, we can mess that one up.
- Intentions — often hidden to the recipient.
- Different languages, cultural customs, belief systems, ancestral lineages — all fertile ground for misunderstandings.
- Even choosing to shine and live life our own way, following our own path, can be ripe ground for misunderstanding and projection from others too!
- On top of it all, nowadays, we have a world of technology and smart phones to deal with, all contributing to a further sense of separation and confusion.
- Really, the ways are endless.
If we look deeper than the surface, we can see why this is the case and how easily misunderstandings can come about. 99.9999999999% of us don’t come to a moment ’empty handed’ (or empty minded is more accurate). We each have our own vantage point and way of seeing and responding to the world; bringing to the table our own particular set of beliefs, feelings, thoughts, our needs, hopes and fears, our habits, all our unresolved pasts and our stories, inherited family patterns, cultural tendencies, ancestral and spiritual sensibilities — all the images and meanings we carry that inform our world views, shape our perspectives, and influence how we see and respond to the world in front of us.
Imagine what it would be like to drop a 1950s middle American housewife’s mind in the middle of a remote Borneo jungle tribe, and to drop a Borneo jungle tribal member in the middle of 1950s America, then look through the eyes of both of them, feel their feelings, know their thoughts and experience. Would they be seeing the same world at all? No. Not at all. Things will not line up to say it gently. They’d each bring a completely different set of meanings and associations to the images they see.
A 1950’s middle American housewife within viewing range of a 10 foot jungle crocodile may perceive a terrible monster and scream or faint; whereas a local tribe member may see potential danger, or dinner, or maybe even a living representation of their tribe’s God. And a tribal jungle member from the remote past experiencing a road full of honking cars in middle America might wonder what kind of monster this is and, naturally, throw spears at it. Whereas, to the contemporary American, cars are traffic are a modern convenience (and annoyance... (Even if in the face of honking traffic and tight traffic jams we still have that primal urge to throw spears!)
To one degree or another, we all project unto others unless have done a tremendous amount of meditative and contemplative work or by some great grace see clearly now. Of course we are going to run into misunderstandings wherever our meanings and world-views don’t meet with another’s; or feel alone and unheard at times.
Now, how easily and often in our day to day lives do we forget others may see and feel a totally different world than we do?! And how much unnecessary suffering have we caused ourselves or another by simply not recognizing this and resorting to frustration or blame when they don’t meet our expectations in how they think or act? (And how much do we do the same to others?) Is it any wonder how much confusion, irritation and even conflict, war, prejudice and bigotry are caused by misunderstandings? (One of the many very curious aspects of humanity is that, for some reason, humans tend to throw spears at what they don’t understand instead of trying to see, learn and know beyond themselves!)
Messy, isn’t it?!
This is exactly what makes misunderstandings a golden opportunity. Moments of misunderstanding give us a chance to realize our own assumptions and projections, to relax, forgive and not judge others so quickly, to recognize there is healing work to be done, to become curious, listen to others and learn of new worlds beyond our current horizons, as if exploring unique and exotic places and people.
It is an opportunity, if we treat it so, to open our minds, expand our hearts, and find greater relaxation and happiness in dropping the unnecessary tension of blaming our brothers and sisters of this human family for the same limitations we ourselves, deep down, have yet long to be free from. An opportunity to forgive ourselves and move into greater harmony and understanding. After all, don't we all want to feel connection, feel love, feel safe, feel seen and accepted for who and what we are; and ultimately to see clearly now and know what we see is good and that we are intimately part of it? Don’t we want to be free of the spears of judgement and prejudice just like the one who sits in front of you does?
Try This
In those moments when you do recognize a fundamental misunderstanding is taking place, try these suggestion and see if things change from their habitual outcome:
Relax
In the face of misunderstandings, try first recognizing where in your body tension arises and let that area relax before addressing the mind. Along with relaxing the body let go of any strong holds on your point of view or any resistance to another’s viewpoint that you may be carrying, just enough so that you noticeably carry even less tension in your body. Sometimes the tension and clinging to a point of view is more about wanting to be seen and heard than it is about the viewpoint itself. The less we resist, the more open our minds can be, the better we feel, and the more we can hear another the way we also want to be heard. Opening a door for this two way communication of hearing the other and being heard, gifting and receiving the gift of presence and recognition.
(Interestingly, though it wasn't designed for this, and the ’official’ effects don't list this, we have had many people reporting that regular use of Recovery Extra Strength helped create an openness and ease of mind, alongside the physical ease and pain relief Recovery is known and famous for. Reishi and Chaga are the usual go to for openness and ease of mind. So if you know and are in close quarters with anyone clinging too tightly and tensely for their own good (or yours) to points of view, try suggesting Recovery or the medicinal mushrooms — or optimally our most recommended daily combo Complete 360 and Recovery Extra Strength. Tell them it's for pain relief and immunity. Then you're not lying!)
Be Curious (and ask questions)
The curious child like humans out there want to know about others, to hear and wonder where they are coming from, and naturally drop their own preconceived notions and judgements for the joy of exploration and understanding. And that is a tremendous relief if we have been bound by our own views or want to be recognized. But this goes in both directions— we need to be curious and accepting of ourselves, and the world we are bringing to the table as well. Then the horizons open.
Listen
Once relaxed, open and curious, we can begin to truly listen, to truly hear another; and this can be profoundly healing. Do your best to give a chance for another’s point to be made before trying to convince them of your own! (To do this usually we need relax the mind-body system first; creating a baseline of ease and literal space in the field so we can hear something other than our tensions, projections, or need to be heard. That’s why we first start with relaxation as we mentioned above. It’s why we recommend regular daily use of the medicinal mushrooms which can help create that ease and clarity on a foundational level below the conscious mind and why all this combined together can change lives.)
The way people will respond might amaze you!
The Hidden Gems In Misunderstanding
Misunderstandings can occur anywhere — between parent and child, spouses (obviously), between politicians and ‘the people’, racial groups, religions and countries. We stumble amongst misunderstandings at work, and even within our own selves. Pretty much anywhere we find a human, we find the potential for misunderstandings. And it would be no huge stretch to say that our misunderstandings have caused a lot of havoc and strife in this world — from prejudice, racism and genocide to relationship breakups, family turmoil, and individual feelings of lack of self worth, acceptance or love. Yet, all is not lost, there are gifts and great opportunities hidden in the irritating wrapping of misunderstandings.
As difficult and awkward as they can be (thanks autocorrect), through awareness and openness, even an awkward moment of misunderstanding potentially carries great nudes… DAMNIT autocorrect! … Great NEWS…and great possibility to expand beyond our divisions and the beliefs we lock ourselves within. And on that note to finish here, let us have a solemn moment of gratitude for the delete key in technology, and the great human delete keys of understanding, forgiveness and laughter, which are so damn important. Hopefully we’ll even find greater relaxation, acceptance, compassion, laughter and sweet, sweet connection in the process!
Try This —
“Peace cannot be achieved through violence, it can only be attained through understanding.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
The more we realize and remember that each of us bring our own set of biases and assumptions, histories, habits and actions to a given moment, the more we can begin to understand why another may act as they do, and why it may not meet our expectations. This doesn't become an excuse for others to be terrible people, ignorant, or hurt another, but it can help alleviate the frustration and tension we hold, opening the door to compassion, and even acceptance and a sense of connection to takes its place.
What a gift.
What an offering.
Believe it or not, practices as simple as this (with the help of our relaxing and clarifying friends in the natural world) can lead to less judgement, prejudice, extremism and dogmatism, and more peace, satisfaction and connection in the world. (And may even save some relationships!) After all, we are all fools in some way aren't we? Misunderstandings and autocorrect shenanigans only highlight this for us. And laughter truly is the best medicine (especially when shared with another). And isn't that GOOD NEWS?!(See what we did there?)
